No One Told Me it Was Going to be this Awkward!

Many of you may think I’m absolutely crazy by what I am about to admit, but here it goes.

I am turning 20 in a couple of months, and I have never been on an actual date. Around the age of 12, I decided I would wait to date. I wanted to keep all the gifts that God gave me exclusively for my future husband. I believe that there is a man out there that is God’s perfect best for me, and I wish to wait for him. After all, I have many dreams and goals of my own I hope to accomplish in my life.

With this decision made, I held back from dating until such a time that I could date with a purpose and be nearer to a point in my life where I could reasonable get married within two years. I wanted to make sure I was close to finishing my education and starting my career. Boys can be too much of a distraction. I’ve got goals, remember?

As I am now 18 months away from graduating with my bachelor’s degree and almost ready to head into the publishing process for my first book, I decided to become less strict in my dating life and be more open to meeting and getting to know young men of character who share my same values who could be relationship worthy.

In the past couple of months, since we settled in Oklahoma, I have been open to the possibilities of a relationship and have even crushed on a couple of young men. In the past, as I was pursuing my AA degree, there were a couple boys that intrigued me, however, I ultimately found them to be immature and without any real goals in life.  Those boys are in stark contrast to the more mature young men I have recently encountered in my life.

To be honest, I have high standards when it comes to what I am looking for in a man to whom I will enter a relationship with. They must love and follow Jesus, have or actively pursuing a degree or career as to provide for a future family, they must be family-oriented having a heart for foster care and/or adoption, and be a good steward with their money (there are others, but these are the most important).

For the past couple of years, I was in a faith desert while pursuing my AA degree, so the boys were cute and friendly, but they didn’t follow Jesus (I will not enter a relationship with anyone who doesn’t). Since moving to Oklahoma, I have found like-minded friends who are also actively pursuing and growing their faith. These young adult groups are co-ed, so I have met several single Christian men as well.

When these men talk about Jesus, it is just plain sexy to me! I just love when I see a guy’s Bible all marked up with post-it’s hanging out around the edges! When I hear that men are actively following Jesus and are doing what He says, I see husband material.  Marriage is hard, so it is important that the man is a solid Godly example, leading their wife and children towards Jesus, love them unconditionally, and of course care and provide for them.

Here’s the awkward part! Now that I am willing to enter the dating world talking to young men has become increasingly challenging. Subconsciously, my brain is replacing seeing guys as just friends to possible suitors, and I have begun to feel subconscious about what I say and how I look. (Yep, I was never one of THOSE girls!! How did I get here??)

I have never been the kind of girl to try and actively make people like me. I am just me, and let people decided whether or not they are going to like me. Suddenly, I feel like I am turning into a love-struck teenager, googling at all the guys who walk by, and it just feels weird.

Growing up in youth group, I watched many older friends who were only a few years ahead of me slowly start to pair off. They were friends in high school, dated each other through college, then got married after graduation.  I thought it would be that simple. Oh…how wrong I was, and it feels incredibly AWKWARD!

Is anyone else with me on the “Dating is so freaking awkward thing?”

I really wish someone would have warned me.

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